Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
