Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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