don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
