I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
