So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
