i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
