dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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