It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
