uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
