capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
