Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
