I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
