It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
