Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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