The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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