She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
