i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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