i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
