do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
