Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
