Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize