How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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