We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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