omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
