So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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