So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
