Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
