This girl is more easily done than said...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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