I can text with my tongue
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
