just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
