Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
