no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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