its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
