K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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