If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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