So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
we're so committed to being not committed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize