Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
