Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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