I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize