I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
