new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
