How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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