I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
