we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
