you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
