i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So squirting runs in the family.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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