We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize