You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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