so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
