Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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