i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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