In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
