wrigley field is MILF paradise
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
