Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
