How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
