My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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