I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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