meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize