Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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