I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
