i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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