I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
