let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
