what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize