Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
