I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
