Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
