tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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