Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We are two peas in an std pod
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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