I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize