so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
