So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
