who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
