She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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