Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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