tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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