i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The air taste purple.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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