Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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