saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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