Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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