I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
