I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
