I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
