Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
