Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
