clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
