She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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