White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
try to milk me bitch
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
