I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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