last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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