By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
