I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just cropdusted the office
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
