i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ttyl tear gas
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
