I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
