i just wanna soil my oats bro
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
