Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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