I cockslap morals
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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