I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
