Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
