Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
