The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
