i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
