before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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