Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
