I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
