I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
