im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
